Saturday, December 30, 2006

December to Dismember

Lexus has been airing their usual annoying "Buy a car for Christmas" commercials the past few weeks, although there's been a bit of a controversy recently. If you visit 2006 TV Ads and go down to "December To Remember Sales Event #2," you can click to download or watch one of the commercials in question.

Each commercial has a gender pair (two men or two women) wandering outside and finding a parked, brand new Lexus between their houses. Both speculate that it could be their's, as part of that upper crust humor that isn't really funny. The male version is a bit difficult to find, as Lexus no longer seems to air the episodes, and does not have it on their website. This may be due to the fact that the commercials make the two men look like a bickering married couple. Now, don't get me wrong, it's obvious they're not (otherwise the premise of the advertisement is sort of, more stupid), but when I first saw it I couldn't help but comment that they appeared to be a gay couple.

While searching for that ad, I saw that I was not the only one. Forums across the net were abuzz with the same theory, with some even having to do a double take. However, not everyone is bright, or even moderately sane, and they provide the rest of us with amusement:
Renaldo of Eightmile AL (12/20/06)
I am not complaining about a particular dealership. I am appauled about your advertising. I have small children who watch television and it absolutely disgusts me to have to rush to the remote control and change the channel because a major auto maker is insinuating that it is alright to be in a same sex relationship. Two women and two men in a relationship breaks down the sanctity of the family. I know that the popular political thing to do now is stand behind gay relationships. I know that you know gay relationships are grossly inappropriate, spiritually and morally wrong. The family, with or without children, begins and ends with a man and a woman. It sickens me that you have succombed to the lie that the nontraditional family perpertrates. I, a concerned consumer, demand that you correct this disgusting wrong that you so boldly advertise to us all. I don't feel that you will respond to this complaint. I hope you will favorably do so. These advertisements need to STOP!

Now, I've flipped my shit before regarding something I misunderstood, which led to the proverbial foot in mouth. Whenever I've done that, though, I wasn't a fucking bigot. Good job, Renaldo. Now get back to work mowing my lawn, you Mexican piece of shit.

(Note: I'm trying to make a funny by writing something racist after saying I wasn't a bigot. For the slow, please be aware that I don't hate Mexicans or any other latinos, except for Peruvians and their dumb, stupid Marinera dance.)

(Second note: Only kidding about the Peruvians.)

Buying cars as presents might seem a luxury available only to the wealthy, and you would be correct. As The Washington Post reports "such lavish gift giving tends to go on most among those with the salaries that allow spending $50,000 or more on one gift." Duh. It makes me wonder how smart rich people are if they would be influenced by such shitty commercials, but maybe they're not and the commercials are a waste of time, or maybe if you have money up the ass you can afford to be a fiscal moron.

I still don't understand buying a car as a gift unless the person is there to pick it out. Apparently, it happens frequently. Via the Post article:
Perhaps no one pushes holiday car-gifting more than Lexus. For the eighth year, it is running TV ads that play on the theme. In one, two neighbors gawk over a bow-topped Lexus sport-utility vehicle parked outside and wonder which of their husbands bought the Christmas surprise. Another version has two men checking out the mystery gift. In another ad, neighbors in lawn chairs watch as a man across the street leads his wife, his hands over her eyes, to a new Lexus.

Such scenes don't just happen on television. Lexus sends two red bows to each of its 222 dealers nationwide during the annual "December to Remember" promotion, a spokesman says. Last year, Lexus sent 550 extra bows in response to orders for more. A survey of metro Lexus dealers across the U.S. last December showed that about 10% of sales were for a gift, though it didn't specify how many were surprises.

Well, if there were 772 cars with bows, there better have been 772 surprises, or else the rest were purchased by people who are just giant douchebags. And if they are surprises...well, I hope it has all the features she wanted...
"Oh, honey, I love it. Oh, it's stick. Well, I'll learn."
"I think it likes me."

Thursday, December 28, 2006

"Dear Jew Lover"

Subject Heading - Now available: "Jews and American Popular Culture [Three Volumes]" by Paul Buhle on

I was wondering if Amazon sent me this email because they knew I had a penchant for rhyming words with "Jew" in casual conversation...
Dear Customer,

We've noticed that customers who have expressed interest in books by Neal Gabler have also ordered Jews and American Popular Culture [Three Volumes] by Paul Buhle. For this reason, you might like to know that this book will be released on December 30, 2006. You can pre-order your copy by following the link below.

Jews and American Popular Culture [Three Volumes]
Paul Buhle
Price: $300.00

Release Date: December 30, 2006

Yes, I like Jews (they make a great corned beef sandwich), but I don't like them $300 worth. However, I was wondering who the hell Neal Gabler was, so I looked him up. It turns out he wrote a book, "An Empire of Their Own: How the Jews Invented Hollywood"...which I ordered on January 11, 2000. That's nearly seven years ago.

Amazon knows more about me than most of my friends, and that's a little disturbing...for more than one reason.

Sunday, December 24, 2006

Sinterklaas is coming!

Sinterklaas brings toys and jellied fruit
To all the middle class boys and girls
On Christmas day those children astute
Will find candies with peppermint swirls

Sinterklaas travels by sleigh at night
He sets forth at the midnight hour
If you dare try to oppose his might
He will destroy you with his mind power

Sinterklaas is infused with cybernetic parts
He can see on infrared frequencies
After Christmas Sinterklass departs
To his arctic lair run by gypsies

Sinterklaas is coming on this very eve
So pray to your God that you behaved
For if so, presents you shall receive
If not, then your life cannot be saved

Sinterklaas feasts on the souls of wicked
Children which sustain his immortality
Hope you were good as you go to bed
Or your only gift will be fatality