Wednesday, January 10, 2007

I love you Berry much

After writing my previous post, I was walking by the TV with baseball on my mind. The People's Choice Awards were on, one of the entertainment industry's many self-fellating awards celebrations, and I started thinking what I would do if I was given such a recognition (this would be if I was famous and people cared about giving me things besides bills). Maria Sharapova, quite possibly the world's hottest piece of ass, would present my trophy, and I would say, "Thank you, thank you. I'd like to thank the academy or whatever for allowing me the opportunity to have this little walk down...mammary lane." Then I'd pause to allow for applause, laughter, groans, or silence (if people couldn't understand my pronunciation; there's a very real chance I'd be slurring all of my words). "Seriously, though, I know I shouldn't judge a woman without getting to know her as a person, but with golden globes like those, why would I need to?" These jokes, of course, would be more amusing if Sharapova had large breasts.

Anyway, during this sting-laden fantasy sequence, the words X-Men drifted into my ear. Like a trigger word, I was bolted out of my dreamscape and into reality. There, Halle Berry was asking the people in the auditorium if they liked X-Men. She told them if they liked X-Men, they should write to Tom Rothman at Fox, and we would get X-Men 4, and she would be in it.

Now, this gave me something to consider. X-Men 3 was a horrible piece of crap, the worst movie I saw in 2006. There's no reason to think this would improve without someone like Bryan Singer at the helm for the next installment, although it's not like Superman Returns with the bastard child and the peeping tom Clark Kent was anything fantastic. On the other hand, while someone like Kirsten Dunst is trashing the Spider-Man franchise despite the fact it increased her bank account size, Halle Berry is showing love to the X-Men franchise and the fanboys that support it. Halle Berry wants me.

No, wait, that's not it. Nevertheless, if it was done right, hell yes I would want an X-Men 4. Explain away that crap with Cyclops - say, "I got lost in the woods" - and make the story not so damn stupid. The fourth movie would be a perfect set up for the Hellfire Club, or even going in an entirely different direction with a sentinel assault or something. There's 40+ years of history to delve into. They can find something (no Brood or Phalanx, as those are obvious ripoffs of Aliens and The Borg).

Another obstacle, besides the poor direction the franchise has taken, is that it is rumored that Tom Rothman hates the X-Men, or at least hates paying big name actors and directors.

The first X-film may have had some awkward fighting sequences, but it had a great science fiction plot and fine storytelling. They lost sight of that with X-Men 3, so if you want to know if I want a fourth X-Men film, my answer is "only if you make it worth watching." If it would make Rothman better to have cheaper actors, I could accept that. I don't care if they hire Mumbly Joe to play Storm (sorry Halle), just so long as the actors can, well, act, and they have a good script to work from.

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