Monday, April 9, 2007

Keep your kids out of my way

Betsy Taylor, Associated Press:
RICHMOND HEIGHTS, Mo. - Chaz Brewer visits the upscale St. Louis Galleria mall about once a week, checking out clothing stores such as Aeropostale and American Eagle and hanging out in the food court.

But come April 20, he will not be able to visit the mall by himself on a Friday or Saturday night under a new policy that prohibits teens under 17 after 3 p.m. unless they have a parent or guardian with them.
I am torn on this issue. On the one hand, I dislike children terribly, and wish they could be banned from all public places. Life would be better if I could go to a restaurant or a movie, or even the supermarket, without your little brats there.

On the other hand, I prefer teenagers to be situated in one area, like cattle, so I know where they are. Better in a mall than outside my residence. Besides which, I'm not a big fan of malls, anyway. What is there for me? Suncoast Video and Kay-Bee? Hot Topic? Do I really need to visit those establishments? Hardly. Malls are designed for cretins like teenagers. They can wander around, spend their parents' money, and eat crappy, overpriced food. Malls have always been a refuge for teenagers, at least since the early 80s, as Valley Girl (1983) would seem to indicate. That is the only historical artifact I care to base my opinions on regarding this matter.

Here's a music video from when Tiffany was touring the country and performing in malls. That's about the best signal that the 80s were winding down, that we got everything we could from it, and that it was time to move on. Unfortunately, we moved on into the 90s, which continued to degenerate from multi-colored, pastel shirts to zebra pants to ski vests. What a terrible decade.

Speaking of terrible, why is she dancing in this video? I guess I could also ask why she's singing, as she doesn't appear to be able to do that, either. Nor dress. So she can't dance, sing, or dress herself. Still, though, if we were alone, I'd give her 220 seconds to remember.

You can look at her nude here, if that's your preference. I can't see why you wouldn't at least look; perhaps you favor men. Still, though, I would never pass on the opportunity to see 80s celebrities in the buff. Your priorities might need to be rearranged.


mcewen said...

I'm glad I'm not the only one allergic to Malls. I thought that to mention such a thought would get me hauled off as behaviour befitting 'Anti American Activities.'
There again, I'm no longer a teenager either.
Thanks for the slice of life, one day I will understand and blend in with my surroundings.

Chris V said...

Thanks for the comment. Have you ever been to a movie theater situated next to or in a mall? A terrible merger. It's practically begging for unsupervised, poorly raised children to cause a ruckus.