Saturday, February 17, 2007

And Iran, Iran so far away...

Couldn't get away:
TEHRAN, Iran - Police and insurgents clashed after a bombing in southeastern Iran late Friday near the site where an explosion killed 11 members of the elite Revolutionary Guards this week, Iranian news agencies reported.
* * *
Iran has accused the United States of backing militants to destabilize the country. Tensions between Tehran and Washington are growing over allegations of Iranian involvement in attacks on U.S. troops in Iraq, and over Iran's nuclear activities.

You would think the U.S. would learn not to support crazy militants in an attempt to weaken a perceived enemy, because more often than not the cure is as bad as the disease.

New rules for baseball

The AP has an article about some changes MLB will have this year. I'm not going to go through them all, but there are some biggies, including attempts to speed up the game and umpires no longer allowing rain-shortened games. The very last sentence in the article was my favorite part, however:
In addition, several changes were made to the scoring rules.

Thanks for being informative, AP.

Friday, February 16, 2007

Some thoughts on the Yanks

It's only February but already drama turns in the baseball world! Mariano Rivera says: DA YANKS BEST SHOWS ME DA RESPECT! Brian Cashman says: WE SHOWS YOU NUFFIN' TIL AFTER DA SEASON! Some people say this is bad, because Rivera is going to test free agency, some people say there's no way he's going anywhere, and he just had an itch to scratch. My take? He was politely letting the Yankees know they're going to have to pay him a ton of money when it's time for negotiations in the winter.

In other news, Mike Mussina told the press that Carl Pavano has to earn the respect of everyone in the world, and Pavano, to his credit, asked to meet with Moose the very next day. Despite the general dislike most fans have towards Pavano, I think he is going to try his hardest and actually go out there and give us some serviceable baseball. Now, it's possible the Yankees trade him at the mid-way mark for a first baseman, thus freeing up a spot for one of our young prospects in the rotation and doing away with what I expect to be a subpar platoon at first. If that happens, so be it. I think, though, that we (the fans) might be pleasantly surprised with our prodigal son, Carlos Pavano de Injurias.

Thursday, February 15, 2007

"Batman Sighting Puts Schools on Lockdown"

The police still must think Batman (Michael Keaton) dropped the Ice Princess (Cristi Conaway) off the roof, because he's being seen as a criminal:
Three schools in the north Phoenix suburb of Cave Creek were on lockdown for about 45 minutes Wednesday morning after a student at Desert Arroyo Middle School reported seeing a person dressed as Batman run across campus, jump a fence and disappear into the desert, Scottsdale police Sgt. Mark Clark said.

The student described the person as 6 feet 3 inches tall and possibly male.

"We're assuming it was male, although they did have a mask on," Clark said.

So there's a possibility it might have been Batgirl.

While I don't know if there has ever been an assortment of words in the English language that have produced a better sentence than "[he] reported seeing a person dressed as Batman run across campus, jump a fence and disappear into the desert," I find this hard to believe. No, I don't think the kid was making it up; I just think the real villain was none other than The Joker! If you look in the cafeteria, you might find some Joker fish (sticks). Don't thank me, Scottsdale Police Department; I'm only here to help.

How to not start an article

Take it away, conservative who always complains about liberal bias in the media despite the fact he's on radio and print, Michael Smerconish:

I'M ABOUT TO violate my mother

Well, that's something I never want to read in the paper again.

Zamboni drives YOU

From Sam Weinman, Rangers Report:
Meanwhile, the Rangers were busy wondering whether they were getting out of Westchester today or if they’d have to fly down to Carolina tomorrow. As of now, the plan is to push forward, but count Jaromir Jagr as a proponent of same day travel.

“In Czech league, we used to get there an hour before, get the two points and come home,” the captain said.

Marty Straka was sitting nearby, and he was asked if that’s how he remembered it back in the old country. But Jagr interceded.

“Marty was driving the bus,” Jagr said with a laugh.

For a guy still fighting the flu, his sense of humor is apparently intact.

If the Rangers played as sharp as Jagr's wit, we'd be in first place.

Well, since you asked nicely



What's sad is they have to ask for fear of a being liable for hundreds of charcoaled idiots.

Wednesday, February 14, 2007

Rogan's Heroes

Comedian Joe Rogan has been claiming that Carlos Mencia is a joke thief for a while now, and the two went at it publicly, like some crazy Ali/Frazier bout:
I had a set at the comedy store Saturday night, and after I closed, I was bringing on the next comedian, a guy named Kirk Fox that works for Carlos Mencia. I introduce him saying that he’s a funny guy, and that he opens on the road for Carlos “Menstealia.” That’s the name we call him at the comedy store, and of course Carlos doesn’t like it one bit.

Carlos was apparently in the room when I said this, and the perfect combination of ego and timing made him decide that this was the night to put his foot down. As I got off stage and headed towards the back of the room, he grabbed the mike away from Kirk, and said that I was too much of a pussy to say that shit to his face.

Which to me, is something akin to the hottest girl in the world daring you to fuck her while you’re standing there in her bedroom naked with a boner.

Of course I had to disagree with him, and I decided to get onstage with him and have this “meeting of the minds” as it were.


Watch it.

Update 2/15/07 11:46 a.m. - If you try to watch the above video at YouTube, it will say "This video is no longer available due to a copyright claim by Carlos Mencia." Some comedian named redban provides many other links to the video that you can view.

Tuesday, February 13, 2007

Chris likes guys who talk in the third person

Carlos Zambrano:
"I'm ready to sign and I would do my job anyway with the Cubs this year," Zambrano said in an interview with WGN-TV that was reported Tuesday by the Chicago Tribune.

"Whatever happens, I don't want to know about a contract during the season. I want to sign with the Cubs before the season starts. If they don't sign me, sorry, but I must go. That's what Carlos Zambrano thinks."
* * *
"Zito is a great pitcher. Good for him he has that contract, and I think that will help me," Zambrano said last month.

"Jim spent a lot of money. I hope he has more for 'Big Z."'

He refers to himself by his name and his nickname. Clobberin' Chris greatly approves.

Perhaps the Cubs will do AL East teams a favor and not sign Zambrano. Then the Sox, Yanks and Jays can fight for his services.

Pitchers and catchers 07

Pitchers and catchers are officially reporting to Spring Training today, although many players (for example, the Yankees' Igawa, Posada, Pavano, as well as Jeter and others) have already been working out in Florida (or Arizona, depending on the team).

As I usually do, I will do my baseball previews, starting in March, although I will break them down by division instead of the usual giant post I make. I also plan on monitoring instances of small ball used by the Yankees during the regular season, and noting when it works and when it doesn't. I, personally, dislike small ball as I feel it gives away outs, but I am willing to look at the evidence. Most research and debate about small ball is related to the post season, so it will be interesting to see the impact it has on one team over the course of a season, especially a team that lead all of baseball in OBP last year.

I also plan to note how the Yankees earn their runs, i.e. whether moving a man to second on a bunt leads to a run more often than smacking a double into the left field gap. It should be entertaining...for me, at least.

Finally, in baseball news, while I knew the Yankees were sending some people into China, I did not know the Mets were sending people into Ghana. I guess Mets GM Omay Minaya wants to check out the air up there.

Monday, February 12, 2007

Homosexuality

Former NBA center John Amaechi recently came out, revealing that he is a homosexual. Jokes about athletes patting each other on the butts aside, this is a big revelation. Not so much how this might affect current players, but rather how it might affect our perception of gays.

Most of our impressions of male homosexuals are of the "fab-u-lous!" variety, with limp-wristed, lisp speaking, smartly dressed men prancing around at best, or dudes dressed up as women at worst. The fact that a gay man could blend in, could be athletic, could be "normal," will hopefully damage many people's preconceptions.

It reminded me of an editorial I read a few years ago, written by a homosexual college student named Glenn Reitz. After news of this came out (no pun intended), I was determined to track down the article, and I did:
Gay fashion, sensibilities and sharp-edged wit are everywhere, on every television channel, but at what cost? Do the trendy icons of queeribility really represent the reality of homosexuality? Is their fantabulous world of queerness where everyone is rich and impeccably dressed, every day is drama-filled and pretty much everyone is young, beautiful and white realistic? I don't know about you but that is not the world I live in.

Am I overly sensitive? Perhaps, since I am not wonderfully, fabulously gay - just a common, simple, boring fag. No glam lifestyle, no witty banter, no bottled water, iPods or smart outfits. So as these cartoon images of what gays look like and act like are thrown at you this month, try to remember that there are everyday fags like me. Ones who drink beer and sometimes a little E&J, who don't wear pink triangles and don't cover our bumpers and bookbags in rainbow stickers. We are the vast majority you just don't see. We don't wear our sexuality on our sleeves or throw it in your face, overtly and obviously. Some of us just wear sneaks, drive cars, play football, have jobs, pay taxes, have sex, sometimes fall in love and raise families, just like everyone else.

I don't share this to rattle the alarmists - "Oh my God, they're hidden among us!" - but to show that gay people say "sneaks" instead of "sneakers." No, that's not it. If we look past the stereotypes we might find gay people where we didn't expect, and we might find we have more in common with them than we ever thought.

Sunday, February 11, 2007

Whore has AIDS; college students stunned

While I have no moral problems with prostitution, the fact that they are typically hideous and infested with STDs makes me want to keep my distance from them. Apparently I'm the only one, because a prostitute infected with HIV slept with at least ten students at Cheney University, a school I've never heard of until this week. Now, before you think she was a bombshell, picture the ugliest woman you've ever seen, then imagine her being kicked in the face by a horse. That's what she looks like.

The article:
While the campus is on edge, Sakinah Floyd is facing aggravated assault, reckless endangerment and prostitution charges.

University police arrested 36-year-old Floyd on Thursday. Police say the Upper Darby prostitute had unprotected sex with at least 10 students in two dormitories.

The school says Floyd admitted to authorities that she is HIV positive. Now, some students are worried the virus could spread on campus.

"It was a popular group who she slept with, and the popular group is the same group that the females sleep with," said Larese Carter. "I think if she did have AIDS, it's going to spread very fast if they don't get tested."

I'm pretty much opposed to unprotected sex, even with a trusted partner, because I don't trust people. Unprotected sex with a whore? Why don't these kids kill themselves, as they are too stupid to live. Well, if they have AIDS, they might end up dying anyway.

I'm curious as to how many people will sleep with these guys without protection. It shouldn't take something this outrageous for people to make sure they have safe intercourse, but maybe this will be a wake up call for some, even those not directly involved with this. As for those who are personally affected, if they're lucky, they'll escape unscathed. Maybe they will even walk away with some common sense.

Slashing and dashing across the web

Barbaro is long gone, but his legacy lives on among the crazy people (personal favorite: "When stuff like this happens I blame God").

This is ancient news (from December!), but there are hardcore surfers in Cleveland ("Pushed by the storm’s winds, water the color of chocolate milk rose 10 feet in the air before slamming onto a beach of boulders and logs.")

Fergie (the one who sweats profusely out of her vag) says that "singing is a gift from God, and when people say I can’t sing, it’s kind of like insulting God." No sweetheart, God didn't give you the gift to sing, and when you try to, you are insulting God and all of His/Her/Its creations.

If the President wants to read my bills, then he can pay them, too. Also, ask his dad to give me a baseball team.

Speaking of baseball, Steve Hofstetter wrote an amusing piece about Dante Bichette receiving Hall of Fame votes.

Hofstetter later wrote about how Philadelphia sucks. Hey, you don't have to tell me. Their most famous athlete is fictional (and the actor that portrayed him is from New York).

Slashdot reminds us to not use Internet Explorer, lest the feds arrest you for child porn stemming from "spyware and Trojans" (although I'm curious what kind of magical Internet virus puts top grade illegal porn on your computer...I wonder if there's a virus that puts music and movies on your hard drive, too).

Big Brother watching you? Smash your passport with a hammer. Then check your house plants and smoke detectors for hidden microphones.

If you think Iraq is bad, try the war on drugs.