An Absolute cream puff!! A true beauty!!! [...] A MUST SEE!! WILL NOT LAST!!!
Days on market: 520+. Newer water heater: installed 1988. Cream puff: went stale a long time ago.
Location! Look no further! Come see this immaculate home that is move-in condition. This home boasts LOCATION in desirable [development] in the [name of] school district. [...] Excellent location, close to swim club, Tee off around the corner at the Country club, near shopping malls, public transportation, 5 minutes to [interstate]. This brick-front colonial - bi-level is waiting for a new family.... YOU! You will not be disappointed, Mrs. Clean lives hear.
Is Mrs. Clean bald, too? P.S. - LOCATION near Country Club whose membership a new family (.... YOU!) cannot afford.
[Neighborhood]! One of the Best Neighborhoods in [town]! Very Warm & Inviting Home..So much has been updated!! [...] Make your appointment today!!
Don't wait until tomorrow! The appointment! It must be made...today!!
This 5 bedroom 2 1/2 bath beauty sits on a private cul de sac This home features 4 finished levels of living. Large Family room with full wall gas fire place, finished hardwood floors through out, Large eat in kitchen,updated kitchen and baths,upgraded lighting,heating and A/C,Deck, storage shed, attached garage,finished basement with kitchen. This property has too many great things to list must see.
Translation: not that many great things to write about.
REDUCED! Beautiful [area] colonial located on quiet cul-de-sac in great neighborhood. Very private setting. [...] Nice 20x40 inground pool with safety gate is perfect on those hot summer days. The kitchen needs some updating but the space and potential is there. Don't let this be a drive-by, stop and take a look, you won't be disappointed.
Key words: "great neighborhood," "potential," "needs some updating," "[not] a drive-by." Those key words, combined with useless rambling about the summertime, means this house is a dump. Anything that says it's not a drive-by means it might resemble an actual drive-by shooting.
PRICE REDUCED!!! This perfect single family home has updated windows, 7 yr old roof and a 1yr AHS home warranty. It has a large private back yard for playing and a 20 x 20 ft patio for entertaining. [...] Only minutes from major highways and terrific schools. Just what you've been looking for!!! Sellers are motivated, And offer $5,000 back at settlement for closing costs!!!
So perfect we've reduced the price and are offering cash back! COME PLAY IN THE YARD!!
Spacious upgraded home in desirable [town]. Possible in-law suite. [...] Plenty of room for the growing family. Full appliance package. A must see!
Possible in-law suite = shed. You must see this laughable listing!
Huge home with tons of potential!!!! Super large 5 bedroom home in desirable [development]. Large finished basement with wetbar and separate den or study. Extra large master bedroom with really cool roof top deck to relax on in the evening or catch some sun during the day. This is a place to call home for many years to come, original owner here..could you be next?
Hmmm, "tons of potential" followed by a million exclamation points, original owner...I really, truly hope I'm not next, unless I want to move into a 1977 time capsule.
Close to [town's] new "[Supermarket]" Shopping Center, the infamous [Name of] Mall, public transportation and major roadways and highways. Home shows beautiful. This home will not last. Ready for quick delivery.
Move right into this outstanding home. Pride of ownership is evident from the gleaming hardwood floors to the updated kitchen and baths. Home is located on a fenced level oversized lot, fabulous landscaping with brick paver walkway. Home features kitchen with oak cabinets,double self-cleaning oven,disposal,insta-hot,soffit lighting,pergo floors, recessed lights thruout. Great room with custom built ins. Hardwood floors and upgraded carpeting enhance this wonderful home. Outside you will find newer vinyl siding,sprinkler system,pella storm door,security lighting,shed and newer roof. Home has alarm system to central station. Home has a one car garage which has been converted to a storage/oversized laundry/mud room owner will convert back if requested.
Me fail English? That's unpossible! Pride of ownership evident by worn appearance and outdated appliances.
What a nice Ranch home and with a oversized 2 car garage with a LIFT!. The perfect home and a great garage too! This home has a great flow and has been well cared for. [...] Large laundry room located in basement with countertop area for folding and your TV. Big enough to keep your ironing board up all the time! Basement somewhat finished, sitting area with tv and pool table area for your pool game.
Ebb and flow fits perfectly into quasi-finished basement and stunning laundry room.
Don't miss this immaculate 4 bed, 2.5 bath home in [development]. This great home features a finished basement, a gas fireplace, 9 foot ceilings, an oversized 2 car garage, and many other upgrades. Location, loacation, location, minutes from everything.
So close to everything, you don't even need to stay in your
The full basement is professionally finished for additional living area (pool table neg.); Anderson windows t/o plus new thermal tilt-in windows on the front are all additional features of this well-maintained home. The roof, gas heat, central air have all been replaced within the past 10 years. Desirable neighborhood, excellent schools, close to shopping, transportation, etc. A pleasure to show; quick settlement possible.
Free orgasm with every showing; pool table negotiable.
Make an offer.... MOTIVATED OWNER. Reduced rate financing with acceptable offer.
Translation: don't offer anything less than $5,000 under asking price.
"Stunning" best describes this updated [development] bi-level home. This house features 3 bedrooms, 2.5 baths, new state of the art kitchen with Mills pride cabinets, hardwood floors and new carpet, new doors, new brick patio, family room with fireplace and much more. This house is in outstanding condition and is easy to show.
You will be "stunned" by the condition of this house. Bring barf bags!