Friday, April 27, 2007

Sitting in section subzero

On Friday the 13th (!!!*), I went with a friend and his harem of women to see the Astros of Houston play the Phillies of Philly. The temperature was about 10 degrees out, with a sharp wind that easily brought the temperature to -60 degrees. I saw a man trip and shatter.

To stay warm, I kept leaving my seat to go get dollar hot dogs and, towards the end, hot chocolate. There's really no better meal than a dollar hot dog, which I can still taste even now. Later we went out for drinks, and the girls ordered food, and when one of them asked me if I was going to order, I told her, "No, I had five hot dogs at the game." The look of disgust, shock and discomfort that merged on her face is one I will remember and cherish for a long time.

The low point of the game, besides the weather, was discovering that Pat Burrell changed his intro music from Dio's "Holy Diver" to Don Henley's "Dirty Laundry." To me, he'll always be Holy Diver, out too long in the midnight sea. Oh, what's becoming of me? Ride the tiger. You can feel his stripes, but you know he's clean; Oh, don't you see what I mean?

The high point was when the Phillies asked fans to stop throwing stuff onto the field by putting a display on the Jumbotron, and the fans, which were comprised of drunk 21 year olds there for "College Night," promptly responded by raining down a shower of hot dogs. It was very reminiscent of Marge's "Whitey Whackers."

Here are some pictures.




*!!!

Update 4/28: I was wearing my Rangers jacket at the game, and as I was walking along the concourse I heard "RANGERS." I took a few steps before it sank in, then I stopped to look behind me. A guy in a worn Mets cap came over and gave me an enthusiastic high five, then said some stuff about the Rangers. I told him they were going to sweep Atlanta, which actually turned out to be true (at that point they had only won a single game). In any event, that's one of those random things that happens that makes sports enjoyable.

Thursday, April 26, 2007

Going through football withdrawals?

This should make you feel better:



I'm glad the wide receiver was able to get up and walk back on the field without help. Imagine if that kid ruined his career? What a cock.

I wonder if the kid is Dusty Baker's nephew.

Wednesday, April 25, 2007

Planet 581 c

Once we are finished unleashing a big load on this planet, we may have a new place to go:
For the first time astronomers have discovered a planet outside our solar system that is potentially habitable, with Earth-like temperatures, a find researchers described Tuesday as a big step in the search for "life in the universe."

The planet is just the right size, might have water in liquid form, and in galactic terms is relatively nearby at 120 trillion miles away. But the star it closely orbits, known as a "red dwarf," is much smaller, dimmer and cooler than our sun.
Sounds pretty good, but who knew there were communists in space?

Since it may take a while until we leave, you can kill some time by watching a young chap nicknamed RubixQube's video commentary for two difficult Super Mario Bros levels. If you don't want to watch the whole thing, at least check out the first five minutes. It kind of reminds me of Ray Romano playing Nintendo, only profane.

Monday, April 23, 2007

Message for vegetarians



You vegetarians are always so concerned about how the cute little piggy, cow, or sperm whale are slaughtered. What about this horror, huh?

(via TV in Japan)

Canada + 1990s = Bad Music

Exhibit #39 - Tal Bachman's "She's So High" (which Sony BMG won't let people embed). The song is about a guy with no balls that is obsessed with a girl. The girl in the video walks around with a big stick, steals balloons from a frightening looking clown, then jumps off a telephone wire and into a cup of water. She's one of those crazy girls that is wild, fun and carefree, the kind every guy wants until he has to deal with her for a few weeks.



Of course, by jumping off the wire, the girl was probably trying to kill herself after realizing what the hell she had done. You don't fuck with clowns:
whan i was encarcarated there was a chainfenced pen fulla clowns. theyd be in there hoalin an barkin an weepin all hours of teh day an night. bashin against teh fence an snapin their dripin fangs. sometiams theyd be quiet an youd wlak by an theyd expload inta a franzy! 'yapyapyap! harrooo!' etc. whith their gliterin swivelin clowany eyes al buged out an lungin at ya.