Saturday, November 17, 2007

Compare and Contrast: Kansas

1974:



1986:

Thursday, November 15, 2007

Don't mess with Jesus

One chapter of Mark in the Christian Bible shows Jesus in a terrible mood:
The next day as they were leaving Bethany, Jesus was hungry. Seeing in the distance a fig tree in leaf, he went to find out if it had any fruit. When he reached it, he found nothing but leaves, because it was not the season for figs. Then he said to the tree, "May no one ever eat fruit from you again." And his disciples heard him say it.

On reaching Jerusalem, Jesus entered the temple area and began driving out those who were buying and selling there. He overturned the tables of the money changers and the benches of those selling doves, and would not allow anyone to carry merchandise through the temple courts.

* * *

In the morning, as they went along, they saw the fig tree withered from the roots. Peter remembered and said to Jesus, "Rabbi, look! The fig tree you cursed has withered!"

Mark 11: 12-16, 20-21

Jesus ruined a tree that did not produce fruit out of season (note: Jesus' dad made every tree on Earth) and then flipped over trinket tables in church. Of course, God the Father routinely put people to death for disobeying him, but that's tough love, and Jesus was supposed to be the gentle part of the trinity.

Monday, November 12, 2007

Under Jolly Rancher

I know the once entertaining pirate mythology is slowly being driven into the ground by today's twenty-somethings and teenagers, but if we can look beyond their horrible taint, pirates are still pretty fun. There's a website with information about pirate flags, which I've enjoyed looking at, so much so that it inspired me to design my own pirate flag:



Oh, how I wish I could command a pirate ship and lead my bloodthirsty crew, looting ships and villages, taking gold, women and antique books, and drinking like a sailor...because we would be sailors. Pirate sailors. With swords.

And whores.

Sunday, November 11, 2007

Croatoan

From Wikipedia:
"Croatoan" is a short story by Harlan Ellison, published in 1975 in The Magazine of Fantasy and Science Fiction, and anthologized in Strange Wine in 1978.
* * *
The story's narrator, Gabe, is forced by a hysterical girlfriend to descend into New York City's sewers, into which he has just flushed her aborted baby. Arriving there, he finds that fetuses populate the sewers, along with an animal population composed of similarly disposed-of crocodiles, whom the fetuses ride, and the word "Croatoan", crudely lettered on a wall near the entrance to the sewer. The story ends with the narrator's hysterical realization: "I am the one they have been looking for all along....They call me father."

That sounds retarded.