Saturday, December 15, 2007

American Gladiators 2: The Quickening

There's a new American Gladiators airing in January. I was a big, big fan of the original, but I'm a bit hesitant to embrace this new one. Are they going to have the same fun games, or are there going to be new games like "Punch to the Cunt" and "Shower Assault"?

I may have to tune in regardless, because a girl I went to school with in 5th and 6th grade is one of the Gladiators. Her name is Gina Cerano, now known as Crush. Unlike Hellga, whose voice is deeper than that of Justice (I saw them on TV), Gina is a relatively attractive girl. She used to have really wavy hair, to the point that I used to think she had a hair like a male lion's mane, and I would not have recognized her now if I didn't just look her up earlier in the year. I found out she was doing professional fighting, which is weird, and somehow less weird than American Gladiators. I dropped her a note to say hello and wish her luck with her endeavors, but she never replied, so fuck her. I hope she breaks both her legs and a contestant shits in her mouth.

If I can re-find my old yearbook, I'll scan her picture in. Not that anyone cares. Here she is from her mixed martial arts days of just a few years ago:



I fucking hate it when people I went to school with are more successful than me. This is the only one I know of, but it doesn't make it any easier. I hope she breaks both her...oh wait, I already said that.

Friday, December 14, 2007

Steroids? What are those?

I'm a big fan of Fire Joe Morgan, as most good baseball fans are. They are easily in the top ten sports blogs, and very close to the top. Even though the writers are Red Sox fans, their bias rarely comes out. After the release of the Mitchell Report on Steroids, however, they are in full blown gloating mode. They are very smug about some Yankees players as well as general enemies of Sox fans.

Here's the things, boys - your club knowing acquired players that were on or suspected of being on steroids.



Perhaps the dumber thing than taking someone with the taint of steroids is taking someone you think could very well suck. They didn't give up the bank for Gagne - the poorly named Kason Gabbard, a lefty with a good K/9 rate in the minors but iffy control, OF David Murphy, who put up good OBP and OPS numbers in 103 AB with Texas after the trade, and OF Engel(bert Humperdinck) Beltre, a teenager from the Dominican Republic who is either a baseball player or a sex slave. Nevertheless, the value the Red Sox got from Gagne was pretty much not even worth a ten year old Cuban, so as Dan Lamothe at Masslive asks, "why'd the Red Sox take the risk in the first place?"



Again, the Red Sox still went out and traded for players that they seriously suspected of being guilty of using illegal performance enhancing drugs.

Now, for a change, I'm not trying to kill the Red Sox. I think the Mitchell Report is kind of useless. It's not like we didn't know steroids were a problem. The only thing it really did was list the names of people who (allegedly) used, but Mitchell himself says the report was just to expose the problem, not the players, so that's not a legitimate argument. So then what was the point? I don't think the problem needed to be exposed, because it already was out there. According to some, the Mitchell Report didn't even present evidence of steroids being widespread.

Like I said, I'm not trying to kill the Red Sox. However, I am calling out FJM for being a little smug about the whole thing. Your organization was perfectly willing to accept players who cheated, and were willing to overlook those crimes in order to make Boston World Series contenders. It backfired with both players, as Donnelly needed surgery and Gagne sucked poutine out of a horse's ass, but Boston's intent was to use cheaters to win. They condoned it. Your team was willing to do anything to win, so you're not really in a place to judge or act morally superior.

With that said, it wouldn't surprise me if most or all MLB teams knew they were getting involved with players who used steroids. It will be curious to see how MLB plans to address that issue.

Monday, December 10, 2007

And now for something completely football

The New York football Giants squeaked out another win today, a little less tense than the Bears game last week, but still too close for comfort. The defense has been alright, shutting down Philadelphia and Chicago after a blowout to Minnesota. What is troubling, however, is how putrid the offense has been. The last time the Giants have scored more than 21 points was October 21 against San Francisco, not a particularly good team.

The Giants got 16 points in week 4, the last time they faced Philadelphia. I'm not sure if that should be encouraging (that was in the middle of a six game winning streak) or discouraging (the offense has only scored 21+ in five games this year).

New York will have to rely on their defense if they want to go anywhere in the postseason, which they are now all but assured after reaching 9-4 in the limp NFC. However, we know that Green Bay and Dallas can dismantle the Giants defense, so for now, it seems like expectations should be limited.

Maybe Eli Manning and the boys in blue can show us a little bit of energy and skill in the remaining weeks, a little something to give fans hope of a possible playoff run. We'll see.

Sunday, December 9, 2007

If liberals control the media...

...why can't I see bare titties on basic cable?