I was visiting my Yahoo! Fantasy Sports page when a request for a survey came up. It was a survey about coffee, which I don't drink, from fast food joints, which I don't frequent. Sounds good.
One of the topics in the survey was, "Please indicate how strongly you agree or disagree with the following statements about Dunkin' Donuts." One of the statements to agree or disagree with was, and I quote, "If this brand were a person, we'd have a lot in common."
I mean...seriously? What does that even mean? "If Dunkin Donuts coffee was my girlfriend, I'd let her sit on my face." Strongly agree or somewhat agree?
"If this brand was my waiter, I would tip over 15%."
"If this food slipped a finger in my asshole, I would tell an adult."
"If this coffee had a gun, and I had to choose between saving my wife and saving my son, I would choose my wife (because we could always make a new son and my wife is a beast in the sack even at age 39)."