Tuesday, June 24, 2008

Sportics

Via Wikipedia, we learn the dangers of mixing sports and politics:
The [Dennis and Callahan] program also features a daily news headline feature, in which Callahan, a neo-conservative, often spars with Dennis, a conservative.

This is what politics is like on the American media, even media as useless as WEEI sports talk radio in Boston. A conservative versus a neo-conservative? What a great debate that must be. I wonder what they differ on, whether black people are racist against whites or just exploiting affirmative acton? Whether Mexicans should be persecuted or deported? Whether tax breaks should be given to the top 1% or the top 5%? Whether global warming is a sham or an actual conspiracy by the Jewish Hollywood Elite?

Sports are volatile enough without bringing politics into it, although in this instance it's hardly a big deal. The real concern is if you take two perfectly happy sports fans and inform them that the other guy is of a different political pursuasion. What then? Are friendships ruined? Does brother kill brother?

Being a full devotee to your favorite sports franchises is like being involved in organized relgion. These are teams you have supported since birth, bestowed upon you by your family. You didn't choose these teams, they chose you. To slander your favorite club is to slander you, and to risk a confrontation. To the opinionated person, politics are just as involved.

I know you. I know you are trying to think of counter-examples to refute my hypothesis. You son of a bitch. You just don't understand.

The other day at the ol' company picnic, I was talking to my company's executive director, and he was wearing a Mets cap. He informed me that his daughter makes fun of him, because she is a Phillies fan. One of them is full of shit.

For example, ponder the question of what happens when a Red Sox fan marries a Yankees fan. What does the child become? Obviously the answer is that the child will follow the parent who is more pure, by which I mean more enthusiastic as a fan. I say this because God knows a hardcore Red Sox fan would never marry a hardcore Yankees fan, or vice versa. Only a fairweather or mediocre fan could cross-marry.

For your own child to support a division rival is unfathomable. That would be no different than being a Leeds fan and having your son walk in with a Manchester United scarf, or being a Catholic and having your daughter tell you she's a Protestant (slut). Sports, like religion, runs in the blood, and it is not subject to any kind of change or evoluation. Anyone who does otherwise is disingenuous, or evil.

James Carville and Mary Matalin are the popular example of how two idealogical opponents can still co-exist. This is only because they are both entertainers, and they're both full of shit. Any true liberal and true conservative could never marry together, because love is not hugs and kisses. True love is watching your favorite team lose 12-3 to the fucking Pittsburgh Pirates, and then turning in to the next day's game. It's watching your political party allow the opposition to teabag them without even sparing a thought to biting down, and still hoping your party wins the next election. It's primal. It's ancient. It's unconquerable.

Mixing sports and politics will create chaos and wreak havoc on society. Again, look at politics and religion and what that has wrought. It will make someone vote against their own interests because they distrust Muslims. It will make someone stop going to church because of the way their parish treats homosexuality. They can't vote without considering the religious consequences, and they can't go to service without someone pushing political ideas on them.

Keep sports and politics away from each other. Failure to do so will lead to 9,000 word articles about a prime minister's favorite olympic event, or television debates about whether a senator is a fan of his childhood team or his current state's franchise.

Former presidential candidate Rudolph Guiliani, a so-called lifelong Yankees fan, threw his support behind the Red Sox in last year's World Series. He then went on to lose his credibility as a sports fan and a politician.

I can only hope that calamity befalls all those who dare to disturb the natural balance.

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