Tuesday, June 3, 2008

Warning sign: Shia LaBeouf

I haven't seen the new Indiana Jones movie, although I plan to eventually. Indy's films are the kind of stupid action film that I find enjoyable. I don't attribute it to nostalgia, but I don't attribute it to any kind of good filmmaking, either. Perhaps I respect the energy and style? I'm not sure. In any event, I will go see the inevitable crapfest that is Crystal Skull.

I try not to see terrible movies, in part to discourage future terrible movies, but also to save myself some time and money. Why waste what's left of my valuable life watching shit? Some people never learn this lesson, but also feel the need to complain. They really have no one blame but themselves, because the vast majority of the time, you can accurately judge a movie by its trailer. There are some rules to judge trailers with. The rules aren't concrete, but they are helpful. For example, generally speaking, if there is an explosion in a trailer, chances are the movie will suck. That's one reason I'm concerned about The Dark Knight, although certainly not the only one.

Another warning is if Shia LaBeouf is in the trailer. Chances are, if he is in the trailer, he's (obviously) in the movie, and the film will suck. I don't know why he's become such a popular actor, but he's been around long enough that he doesn't have to accept the roles in terrible films. His filmography is telling, however. Charlie's Angels: Full Thorttle, Constantine, Disturbia, Surf's Up, Transformers...not to mention the films he had small roles in, like Dumb and Dumberer: When Harry Met Lloyd.

It's at the point where you can just say, "I don't want to see that movie; it's a LaBeouf," and people will know what you mean. "Oh, it's a piece of Shia, then? Too bad."

I'm disappointed that I will help further his worthless career, but I have a soft spot for Indy. Like any soft spot in the mind or heart, it will probably kill me.

11 comments:

Gorilla Bananas said...

Shia Labeouf? I've never heard of him, but perhaps he should market his films in Iran.

Jai said...

While I don't think he sucks, I also don't know how on earth he's gotten to where he is. I don't think Constantine is a terrible film, either, but that's another matter. It is safe to say, however, that he's never been in a movie of the caliber of the Indy trilogy. He's certainly trying hard, though, what with Transformers (Also not a TERRIBLE movie, but nothing above average if you level out when the graph spikes above "good" with all the times it drops below "shitty") and the new Indy movie. I bet he'll be in the next Star Wars live action shit at this rate (And it will be shit).

I have complained long and proudly about the new Indiana Jones movie, because I was unable to convince myself that it would suck before I watched it (Even though I knew of several factors involved that I didn't think I'd enjoy, I assumed that Lucas wouldn't be "allowed" to fuck this up. I don't know why I thought that). I honestly had some hopes for it, and I shouldn't have.

You should be warned that there is a large and boisterous crowd of folk who think that the new Indy is so fun that nothing else about it matters. It isn't pretty to see.

chuckling said...

LaBeouf was in Holes. That was a very good movie, in its way.

Nussy said...

But LaBeouf was the best part of Disturbia and Transormers and made the parts he was in seem tolerable. He's also the second best thing in Indiana Jones behind Indy himself, Mr Ford.

He was also in Even Stephens on the Disney Channel but I think he was barely a teen at the time. So that's forgivable.

ChrisV82 said...

GB - You just wait, in 300 or 400 years, Iran is going to be the new Bollywood.

Jai - I didn't see Constantine but I figured Keanu + comic book movie = good chance at suck.

Chrunk - I like Sigourney Weaver, so maybe I'll check out Holes. Her holes.

Nussy - It's possible he may be a competent actor, but his choices leave something to be desired. I will give him a pass if he's doing it just for money, but that still doesn't mean I'd want to see him.

ChrisV82 said...

EDIT: I meant "chuckling," not "chrunck." Sorry.

Jai said...

My Indy review was practically spoiler-free (The only one I let slip was in the picture, which may be ambiguous if you still haven't seen the movie) 'cos I was thinking of you, Chris! Aw. Though it didn't hurt that I've left nothing unsaid about it already elsewheres so I was sorta sick of typing about it before I even started the review. It is terse and angry, instead of ramblingly long and angry like usual.

And no one saw Constantine. The trailer for it was simply awful, plus it had Keanu and everyone loves to hate him. I can't compare it to the comic book, though, so it's probably way off judging by how few people liked it.

Chuckling said...

That's okay, you can call me chrunck.

EmeraldTheMaster said...

...I liked Crystal Skull.

osamaaintshit@yahoo.com said...

Need to come up with a movie 'bout my Krystal's fed ballz and LaBeuf's steamed buns...or one where the crystal skull is made up of crank and Indy and the whole cast get tore up and be treasure huntin' fo' what had to be four or five days straight 'cause he still wearin' the same clothes! He ain't even been home yet!

ChrisV82 said...

I'm sure Indy indulged in a little opium while traveling Asia.