Sunday, August 17, 2008

Barack Obama: new look candidate, same terrible flavor

This is part two of a (probably) two part analysis of why the 2008 U.S. presidential candidates are a blight on the face of human existance.

Barack Obama, Democrat

If you wouldn't let a black man babysit your children, why should you let him babysit your country? The answer is, you shouldn't, but not because he looks like a Cosby kid. Obama has been grooming himself for the presidency for the past decade, and he's been promising hope like it's something that can pay doctors' bills. Speaking of which, when it comes to actually paying doctors' bills, Obama's plan is lacking.

Obama is a guy that quit smoking cigarettes not for his health or the health of his family, but because he thought you needed to in order to run for high office. He slept with his boss, which is arguably smart, but then he married her, which is stupid. That's like shitting on a girl's chest and then sucking her nipples. Obama is also a lawyer, which means he has some kind of personality defect, and he was a law professor, which means he isn't even any good at practicing law. He can read brilliantly from a prepared speech but stumbles all over himself in a free form environment, showing all the finesse and linguistic skill of our current president.

The man also has a remarkable ability to kick his friends and family in the ass, including, but not limited to, his elderly grandmother and his religous minister. He called his grandmother "a typical white person," i.e. someone who is afraid of strange black people. The Reverand Wright issue is particularly amusing, because while Obama claims to want to have a dialog on race, when Wright actually began to have a serious, meaningful debate about race in America, Obama distanced himself as quickly as he could. When Wes Clark answered a simple question with a simple answer and was criticized for it, Obama denounced Clark, not the hysterical idiots. If it turned out that the dumb shit rumors of Michelle Obama calling some crackers "whitey" was actually true, Obama would divorce her in order to preserve the integrity of his campaign.

Don't take these attempts to distance himself from undesirables to mean that Obama tries to surround himself with the pure of heart. Obama's national finance chair, Penny Pritzker, helped create the securitization of subprime mortgages. The man that helped fund Obama's 2006 Senate campaign, Antoin "Tony" Rezko, and also sold Obama some below market-value property, was indicted for wire fraud, bribery, money laundering, and attempted extortion, along with Republican fundraiser Republican fundraiser and businessman Stuart Levine. Obama's "press secretary," Robert Gibbs, attacked Howard Dean to make way for the disasterous John Kerry presidential bid. Gibbs' ads attacked Dean for "lacking military and foreign affairs experience," something of which Obama is all too familiar (or not familiar?).

Obama is heralded as a great liberal, but he barely dips his toe in progressive waters, instead showing his colors (no pun intended - he's colored) by conditionally supporting the death penalty, opposing same sex marriage in favor of "full civil unions," saying he is perfectly willing to keep troops dying in the middle east, and supporting renewable energy policies that may be not as good as John McCain's plans. Obama has also openly admired human scum Ronald Reagan. For a hard left liberal like myself, the difference between Obama and McCain is the difference between HIV and AIDS.

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