Saturday, August 30, 2008

Palin: Epic

I have my problems with Senator Joe Biden - namely the way he crushed consumers for the benefit of credit card companies - but with McCain's choice of Governor Sarah Palin as his vice presidential candidate, Biden looks awesome. Palin is such a bad choice it is epic. Observe:

Before Palin became governor of Alaska in December of 2006, she served as a city council member and mayor of Wasilla, Alaska, which had a population of 5,470 in 2000. The newly built Nationals Park in Washington, D.C., which is home to the Washington Nationals baseball team, seats 41,888 people. That is epic.

She hates gays and lesbians but claims that some of her best friends are fags, supports the death penalty, and is a life-long member of the NRA. Also, she's a failed beauty queen. Despite claims that she is sugar and spice and everything oh so nice, she is apparently a catty bitch. Can you feel it? It's epic.

She opposes freedom of choice and is a member of a group called "Feminists for Life," which doesn't focus on contraceptives for pre-pregnant women or social services for post-pregnant mothers, but instead believes that women should be forced to have babies. Sounds entirely feminist to me. Epic!

In her limited time as governor, she has already abused her position of authority in a criminal manner. She may be deposed by the Alaska Senate's Legislative Counsel Committee (or some feds, whatever) before the first VP debate. Epic? Surely!

Once said in regards to evolution versus creationism, "I am a proponent of teaching both." Epic.

Wants to open ANWR to drilling and does not believe climate change is man-made, arguing that a "changing environment will affect Alaska more than any other state, because of our location. I'm not one though who would attribute it to being man-made." More and more epic.

Her opinion on pot: "Palin doesn't support legalizing marijuana, worrying about the message it would send to her four kids. * * * Palin said she has smoked marijuana -- remember, it was legal under state law, she said, even if illegal under U.S. law -- but says she didn't like it and doesn't smoke it now." Stupid in a most epic manner.

Perhaps my favorite part of the governor is that she named her children Track, Bristol, Willow, Piper, and Trig. If you met a black family and their children were named Shaniqua, Dijon, Lakeisha, Darnell, and Anfernee, you would probably snicker or have some level dismay. Her children's names are not any better. On the richter scale of terrible, her children's names reached epic proportions.

Sarah Palin: the perfect Republican woman, and an epic disaster of a human being.

EDIT 4:34 PM: It would be EPIC if McCain won, then died before his term was up. How would she handle it? Why, she could watch Commander in Chief starring Geena Davis! It would be just like how (spoilers!) Frank Abagnale, Jr. learned to be a doctor in Catch Me if You Can.

By the way, how laughable is it that they divided the one and only season of Commander in Chief into two separate DVD packages? Parts 1 and 2? That in itself is epic! A perfect fit!

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