Tuesday, September 2, 2008

I examine three vaginas

The New York Daily News published a story about Sarah Palin's kid, Bristol [sic], and the kid's fiance and fetus. It took three writers to undertake this monumental article, Ms. Nancy Dillon, Ms. Veronika Belankaya, and Ms. Tina Moore. Veronika's last name is apparently Belenkaya with two E's, but the News published it with one E, so who the fuck knows? It looks like Moore gets lead writing credits, or at least has her email published at the end of the article.

Anyway, as I was reading this piece, I couldn't help but wonder how moist these three women's vaginas were getting while writing this. Were their panties entirely soaked? Maybe just a little wet spot? Maybe a finger or two darted down to their nether regions to stir a little bit of relief? I'm not being sexist, read for yourself:
Doe-eyed Bristol Palin, 17, and ruggedly handsome Levi Johnston, an 18-year-old self-described "f---in' redneck," have been dating a year, locals in Wasilla, Alaska, told the Daily News
* * *
Johnston, broad-chested and wearing a No. 15 jersey, can be seen in photographs hitting the boards as a Warrior in action.

A closeup shot shows the handsome teen with a light dusting of whiskers on his chin - his dark brown hair curly and wet.
* * *
Besides his hard play on the ice, Levi Johnston was also a bit of a hell-raiser off it - another reason Bristol may have been smitten.
What are we, auditioning for a Harlequin romance novel? I expect this kind of shit from a supermarket gossip mag, or the NY Post. If this is journalism, it's no wonder the Bush Administration got away with so much for so long. Who's doing any real work in the press?



Cover illustration by Will Davies.

2 comments:

Gorilla Bananas said...

Three women writing one article? There's something very kinky going on.

ChrisV82 said...

I suspect there was a bubble bath involved.