Sunday, November 2, 2008

Odd Halloween costumes

It's already November 2nd, and even including some late Saturday parties, Halloween is done for the year. In this situation, an article about costumes is better never than late. Unfortunately, I don't understand how to do the right thing. With that said, here are ten odd Halloween costumes as seen on Amazon dot com, in no order.

This one is called One Night Stand. Get it? Ha! Even ignoring that you would have to be a tremendous douche bag to wear this costume (see the model in the picture), it just seems like an impractical thing to wear. Does he have on any pants?

You want to dress as a cowboy, but you also really like zombies. What to do? Dress as a "zombie outlaw." Does it make any sense? Sort of.

I'm sure you recognize a teletubby. With the last new episode of the children's program airing in January of 2001, you have to wonder why anyone would dress as in this garish and ill-fitting costume.

Being a corporate shill for the worst candy on earth is pretty bad, but not as bad as having your neck snapped in half by a drunk trying to get one of those sugar blocks.

Foam muscles work a little better for a character that isn't supposed to be wearing a metal suit of armor. Walking around in yellow socks is the cherry on top.

Going as a flamingo is kind of stupid in its own right, but the point of wearing black is to shade out the part of the costume that isn't a flamingo, right? So why have black legs and a black beak, especially when most flamingos have at most only partial black on the beack? Stupid. I also think that's a guy in the costume.

My approach to costumes is to try and be creative while wearing something I am at least a little enthusiastic about. Last year I went as a Don Johnson-ish character, and the year before that I went as a pirate. No matter how cliched a pirate is, though, at least it's not a common kitchen condiment. Seriously, ketchup? That's what motivates you?

This is an interesting costume, but it just raises some many questions. Why is a gargoyle on your back? Is it trying to rape you? What happened to your right arm?

Here we have a Tina Fey lookalike in a sexy Spongebob Squarepants outfit, which is somewhat disturbing. Children's shows should not be associated with sex appeal, generally speaking, and I never want to write about a "sexy Spongebob" again.

What do you wear when you're too lazy to be creative? A sign that says just as much. "I was thinking about wearing a sexy witch outfit, but then I thought that I could just say 'Hello, I'm sexy.' Isn't that better?" No.

BONUS 11th

This costume is undeniably odd, but I can't help but think it's sexy. Sexy candy. I guess that's why Halloween was invented.


Gorilla Bananas said...

That last one is called "pencil head". She sharpens it in your anus if you don't give her a treat.

ChrisV82 said...

There's something to be said for a woman with a little bit of aggression.

And a chewy center.