Wednesday, November 5, 2008

Mulatto baby brings hope, fear, other stuff



For black people, Obama brings hope that their kid can grow up to run the country, or at least that a biracial man can comfortably fit into the old white male network. It is probably stretching it to say that any Antwon or Shaniqua can grow up to run this country, but it must be comforting to know that a dark skinned man with the same credentials as a pale male can be elected to the most important office in America. I always thought the first black man elected to president would be a Republican, since I didn't think America could elect both a Democrat and a black. I also didn't expect it to happen this soon. Although Martin Luther King, Jr.'s brains were blown out a long time ago, had he lived, this election would have occurred in his lifetime. My parents were born when segregation was still legal. My dad died of unnatural causes, but my mother is still alive. That Obama was elected during all of their lifetimes is truly remarkable, but probably says more about Obama and less about the U.S. being a progressive nation. After all, one of our most liberal states just voted to take away the rights of their fellow citizens.

For Republicans, Obama brings fear that he will rape their white daughters, destroy Christianity and raise taxes. As chronicled on at this fine site, many conservatives are threatening to cut back their work to deprive Obama of their tax money, which is kind of funny. Some are in terror that blacks will overrun the country, and if you are a black guy and see a white guy clutching a gun and sweating, I'd avoid him...which is probably good advice for anyone, at any time, honestly. Tom DeLay (or some other shmuck) warned that Obama would double the minimum wage, which I think would be fine, but is not something that would happen anyway. Rudy Guiliani said the failure was Republicans getting away from their small government roots, which may be partially true but sells short Obama and his team's massive talents, and also ignores what a little tyrant Rudy was as mayor of New York. The conservatives are hyperventilating, and they are envisioning the Apocalypse in the form of Barack Obama.

For Democrats, Obama brings anticipation that he can fix the economy, fix health care, fix the environment, fix our relations overseas, fix our conflicts, and fix his new dog. People are expecting way more than Obama can possibly deliver, even with a House and Senate full of Democrats. Obama is only one man, and he may not have strong allies in Harry Reid and Nancy Pelosi. We've witnessed their ineffectiveness as the majority party already, and I suspect Pelosi has designs on her own bid for presidency. Nevertheless, I believe Obama can succeed in many areas. I'm not all that confident on health care and a few other domestic issues, but I think Obama can score big on foreign policy, which is supposedly his "weakness." Which leads us to...

For the world, Obama offers optimism that he can repair the international damage that Bush has wrought on the world. "Where George W. Bush pronounced, bulldozed and failed, Barack Obama will listen, cooperate and then decide." - Alain Duhamel

For me, I have my reservations about some of his policies, but I can't help but like Barack Obama as a person. I actually see a little bit of me in him. Although his is more drastic than my own story, we share parallels. We both grew up in many different places. We both grew up in single parent homes. We both grew up with mixed ethnicities (although most of mine spawn from Europe). We both grew up to become public interest attorneys. Obama and I, we are the new face of America. We are mutts, products of a modern world, and successful despite - and because of - our hardships and experiences. There are differences, of course. He went to nice schools and is a published author. He's also far wealthier than I am. The mother fucker also promised me a magnet if I donated $10 to his campaign, a promise he has yet to deliver on. Still, more than any other president, I can associate with Obama.

And so, come January of 2009, the first biracial president, the first Generation X president, the first Democratic president of the 21st century, will begin to serve the people. Let's hope for good things.



Update 11/9: Per comments, Obama may not be Generation X. I also see that he referred to himself as a mutt after I already did. Once again, the man is ripping me off. Finally, I changed a handful of modifiers to make my sentences easier to read. I should probably proofread before I post things.

Monday, November 3, 2008

One vote, two balls

As appearing on the ballot in New Jersey, your 2008 candidates for the presidency of the United States:

John Mc Cain [sic] & Sarah Palin (Republican)
Barack Obama & Joe Biden* (Democrat)
Bob Barr & Wayne A. Root (Libertarian Party)
Ralph Nader & Matt Gonzalez (Independent)
Gloria La Riva & Eugene Puryear (Socialism and Liberation)
Jeffrey "Jeff" Boss** & Andrea Marie Psoras (Vote Here)
Chuck Baldwin & Darrell Castle (Constitution Party)
Roger Calero & Alyson Knnedy (Socialist Workers Party)
Brian Moore & Stewart Alexander (Socialist Party USA)
Cynthia Mc Kinney [sic] & Rosa Clemente (Green Party)

*also running as an incumbent U.S. senator in Delaware
**also running for a U.S. senate seat in New Jersey

I'm a bit perplexed on why there are three different socialism candidates (and no candidate from the Workers World Party). Maybe they're just pushing collective ownership of the election process? One day, everyone will be on the ballot for president.

It's been a long election, getting started sometime in June of 1988, and originally having 2,576 candidates from both parties. It was essentially narrowed down to Obama and McCain. There were things to like about both candidates. Obama has a nice jump shot, while McCain's mobility and charisma is remisicent of a grumpier Bob Dole.

I don't really need to go on too much about the election. If you want to read about some relevant political debate, type "Obama is an Arab" into your favorite search engine. In the meantime, I want to leave you with this great quote. Everyone has heard about the Canadian Masked Avengers pranking Sarah Palin. My favorite part:

"Yes, yes, I understand we have the equivalent of Joe the Plumber in France. It's called Marcel, the guy with bread under his armpit."

EDIT: Oh yeah, don't forget to vote on your local propositions/referendums/public questions! Vote against anything bigoted or monumentally stupid.

Sunday, November 2, 2008

Odd Halloween costumes

It's already November 2nd, and even including some late Saturday parties, Halloween is done for the year. In this situation, an article about costumes is better never than late. Unfortunately, I don't understand how to do the right thing. With that said, here are ten odd Halloween costumes as seen on Amazon dot com, in no order.



This one is called One Night Stand. Get it? Ha! Even ignoring that you would have to be a tremendous douche bag to wear this costume (see the model in the picture), it just seems like an impractical thing to wear. Does he have on any pants?



You want to dress as a cowboy, but you also really like zombies. What to do? Dress as a "zombie outlaw." Does it make any sense? Sort of.



I'm sure you recognize a teletubby. With the last new episode of the children's program airing in January of 2001, you have to wonder why anyone would dress as in this garish and ill-fitting costume.



Being a corporate shill for the worst candy on earth is pretty bad, but not as bad as having your neck snapped in half by a drunk trying to get one of those sugar blocks.



Foam muscles work a little better for a character that isn't supposed to be wearing a metal suit of armor. Walking around in yellow socks is the cherry on top.



Going as a flamingo is kind of stupid in its own right, but the point of wearing black is to shade out the part of the costume that isn't a flamingo, right? So why have black legs and a black beak, especially when most flamingos have at most only partial black on the beack? Stupid. I also think that's a guy in the costume.



My approach to costumes is to try and be creative while wearing something I am at least a little enthusiastic about. Last year I went as a Don Johnson-ish character, and the year before that I went as a pirate. No matter how cliched a pirate is, though, at least it's not a common kitchen condiment. Seriously, ketchup? That's what motivates you?



This is an interesting costume, but it just raises some many questions. Why is a gargoyle on your back? Is it trying to rape you? What happened to your right arm?



Here we have a Tina Fey lookalike in a sexy Spongebob Squarepants outfit, which is somewhat disturbing. Children's shows should not be associated with sex appeal, generally speaking, and I never want to write about a "sexy Spongebob" again.



What do you wear when you're too lazy to be creative? A sign that says just as much. "I was thinking about wearing a sexy witch outfit, but then I thought that I could just say 'Hello, I'm sexy.' Isn't that better?" No.

BONUS 11th



This costume is undeniably odd, but I can't help but think it's sexy. Sexy candy. I guess that's why Halloween was invented.