Tuesday, June 9, 2009

Dying your own way

As I am sure you have heard by now, actor David Carradine was found dead in his hotel in Bangkok, one of the more reputable cities in the far east. Carradine was found in a most unusual way:
“There was a rope tied around his neck and another rope tied at his sex organ, and the two ropes were tied together and hung in the closet,'' Lieutenant General Worapong Siewpreecha told reporters.

“Under these circumstances we cannot be sure that he committed suicide but he may have died from masturbation,” he said.
Many of us - usually males - joke about dying during sex, but I doubt that includes solo sex. Most people do not want to be found with their pants around their ankles, a box of tissues toppled over with Michelle Drake's platinum pubis flickering on the monitor. We don't want to be found in compromising or embarrassing positions, especially if it involves a shoelace around the scrotum.

Which is odd, because a dead person is one of the few people you can't embarrass. What does a corpse care what the living think? Even presuming there is an after life, there must be better things to do than read the gossip columns.

Masturbation does seem like an interesting way to die, though. Despite popular opinion, I think suicide is the best way to go. I understand life is precious and blah blah, but when you are ready to die, why not go out on your own terms? I don't want to be taken by surprise. I don't want to die in an accident or something like that. I also don't want to have a painful death, so if I have terminal cancer, I'd rather kill myself than let the cancer get to me first.

That's the catch, though, isn't it? Suicide can be painful. Dropping off a bridge, slitting your wrists, inhaling toxic vapors - these are painful ways to die. Again, what does it matter to a dead person, it's not like you have the memories of the pain, but I just like to avoid the process in general. Why spend the last minutes of life in agony?

If you're lucky, you can find some pills and hope washing it down with vodka will do the job, but if done improperly, you can end up mentally retarded, which is probably worse off than you were beforehand.

Maybe Carradine did it the right way after all. Suicide by auto-eroticism. If it is successful, you're out of your misery. If it isn't, at least you had a good orgasm out of it.

3 comments:

Gorilla Bananas said...

Hypoxia is supposed to be a pleasant way of dying if you breath pure nitrogen. What interests me about David Carradine's case is whether that was the only way he could masturbate successfully.

Sweet Cheeks said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
ChrisV82 said...

GB - If that was the only way he could do so successfully, it makes you wonder how long he's been doing it. What are the odds of hanging by your balls and having a good squirt without dying? Someone should research this.

SC - I think I would rather bleed to death than hang by my balls, but the jury is still out. Thanks for the info, though.