Wednesday, December 16, 2009

Birds are assholes

I know what you're thinking, presuming you think in English - "Birds are pretty and they sing nice songs!" Yeah, sometimes. It's time for a little lesson in reality, my internet friend. The truth is, birds are the biggest jerks in the animal kingdom. These are some facts about birds:

1) They shit EVERYWHERE, ANY TIME, no matter what is going on
2) "Screaming in parrots, or just excessive vocalization, is normal"
3) They chew everything
4) When they are deep fried, they clog your heart

Birds may take to the skies, but they are menaces to those of us on land. Seagulls steal food from children. Probably even candy. Have you ever been awoken at 5 o'clock in the morning by chirping birds? Or a rooster? Those fowl fiends terrorize city streets, too:

Just say no to birds.

Update: Their feces is fatal to humans.


Gorilla Bananas said...

The best way to silence a parrot is to feed it a toffee. It wouldn't have worked with a fat bastard like Big Bird, of course.

ChrisV82 said...

I recently read an article about how birds eat plastic, then starve to death while their stomach is full of garbage. It's just like a bird to steal perfectly good recyclable materials and then drop dead.