Saturday, March 21, 2009

Corporate considerations

Everyone is talking about AIG right now, but here are two other companies that have caused me financial puzzlement:

Company Number One

Today I was in Boscov's at the Cherry Hill Mall (don't judge me), Cherry Hill, New Jersey. I was browsing the selection of photo albums (don't judge me) on clearance. One book caught my eye - "Mulberry Ribbon," original price $14.99, Clearance price $8.79. Wow! What a moderate, partially enticing deal! While I fingered the pages and turned the book in my hands, judging whether this was something I needed to spend money on, I noticed this text printed on the manufacturer's label printed back of the book above the UPC: "Mulberry Kraft Ribbon, 42-166-6959, $10.99."

Hmm. How can the original price be $14.99 when the manufacturer's suggested retail price is four dollars less? I approached an employee. I asked her if this their label was accurate, pointing out the differences in prices. She responded that "at one point it was probably $14.99." Hmm.

Company Number Two

Dunkin Donuts sent coupon sheets out to everyone in the Philadelphia area. One such coupon was a buy x, get x free deal. The consumer had the option to purchase six doughnuts (or, I believe, 20 munchkins) and get six more doughnuts (or 20 more munchkins) for free. Being a generous soul, I purchased a dozen doughnuts for the people at my office in a Dunkin Donuts located in Burlington, New Jersey.

The price rang up as $7.49, pre-coupon. You may be under the impression that seven and a half dollars is quite a lot of money for doughnuts. You would be correct. Then the clerk applied the coupon, and my total was $5.49.

Now, I admit that I am not a great mathematician. Sometimes I make mistakes with arithmetic. However, I know that half of $7.49 is not $5.49. What is there, a service charge for the doughnuts? Considering this is the company that caved to Michelle Malkin's jihad scarf in a Rachel Ray advertisement, I wouldn't be surprised.

I used another "buy some, get some free" coupon (don't judge me) on a different day in a different location, and it was the same result. Here's Dunkin Donuts new slogan: Acceptable Doughnuts, Unacceptable Math.™

As a side note, these doughnuts were purchased on St. Patrick's Day, so some of them had green icing. Unfortunately, no one in my office ate the green ones. Irish bigotry, perhaps?

As a second side note, I am now aware that there appears to be a Dunkin Donuts location on every street corner in New Jersey.

Thursday, March 19, 2009

A career forgotten, a life passes

I finished watching "Marty," which starred Ernest Borgnine in the title role. There was a lot of potential in the film, but I never thought it really came together. Borgnine plays a fat, inept man that can't find love, Betsy Blair plays a shy, awkward schoolteacher. Borgnine's brother is married and living with his mother, which causes strife between the two women in his life. Borgnine's mother is domineering and pestering, but is afraid of being tossed away and forgotten. Again, a lot of interesting set-ups, but I didn't care much for the end result.

Speaking of end results, Betsy Blair died March 13th. I guess she got tired of waiting for me to watch her films. I guess it's for the better, because if she asked me what I thought, I may have tripped up and said I thought her character was a stereotype that only existed in literature. Scanning her filmography, she didn't have much of a career. Well, I guess it's like that poster I used to read all the time in elementary school - if you had fun, you won. If she didn't, well, she wasted her chance, 'cause now she's dead.

Wednesday, March 18, 2009

Things that piss me right the fuck off

Rubbernecking. Yes, there's an accident. It may even be cool looking. It may even be gory. MOVE ON. There's no need to stop and look, because it's none of your damn business you ghouls. If it wasn't illegal, I'd pass all of these assholes on the shoulder, one hand on the horn and the other hand giving them the finger.

Verizon. Every week I get a letter begging me to subscribe to their cable service. Every week, I get a booklet of the channels they offer, which are worse than the ones I get through DirecTV. Every week, my recycling bin fills with piles of paper plastered with Verizon logos.

Congress. Thanks for the righteous indignation over AIG, but where were you when you handed them eleven zillion dollars with no strings attached? The legislative body is nothing more than a cadre of hypocritical assholes.

People with a lot of money who complain about taxes. I've gotta cut a check to the IRS. I guarantee you this is more of a hardship for me than some jackass who pulls down $400,000 per year and is crying that his tax rate may go up 3%. Let's trade places, jerkoffs.