Saturday, June 13, 2009

Veteran of a thousand racist wars

"The Holocaust is a lie. Obama was created by Jews. Obama does what Jew owners tell him to do. Jews captured America's money. Jews control the mass media. The 1st Amendment is abrogated --henceforth." - James von Brunn

If this is true, then I wonder where exactly the Jews built Obama. Obama claims to have been born in Hawaii, but we have never seen a birth certificate sufficient to satisfy your general American crackpot. Could he have been assembled in Tel Aviv? New York?
Even a fertility increase of 0.4% will add millions of Jews over the next 50 years. But this is not happening right now.

As we know, the distribution of the Jewish population now is completely different from before WW II. Europe was decimated of its Jewish population and Israel and America became the new major centers of Jewry.
The Jewry center of the Jewish population is located in two countries, Israel and the United States of Israel. Conceivably, Obama's construction could have occurred in Tel Aviv, but realistically, it probably happened in the U.S.

Now, based on geography and global weather patterns, it would be easier for the Jews to smuggle manufacturing parts and genetic materials to Hawaii from California. Then, the Jews - or scientists, as they are alternatively known - could have "launched" Obama in the Pacific Ocean, much like a modern day, mulatto Godzilla.
Godzilla's signature weapon is his distinctive atomic breath. Godzilla's dorsal spines glow ominously, and then he lets loose with a concentrated blast of radiation from his mouth.
* * *
In addition to his deadly atomic breath, Godzilla can also emit atomic energy in all directions from every inch of his body in a short-range pulse called the nuclear pulse.
From this we learn that Obama is a weapon of mass destruction. I find it more than coincidence that from the time Obama was elected president, North Korea has performed a series of nuclear tests. Obama, a known socialist, and Kim Jong-il, a Stalinist, are obviously collaborating to destroy opposition to communism.

Here is what we know thus far:

- Obama was constructed by Jews
- Obama has nuclear powers
- Obama is part of the Neo-Marxist Global Hegemony

Please feel free to expound on this information in comments.

Tuesday, June 9, 2009

Dying your own way

As I am sure you have heard by now, actor David Carradine was found dead in his hotel in Bangkok, one of the more reputable cities in the far east. Carradine was found in a most unusual way:
“There was a rope tied around his neck and another rope tied at his sex organ, and the two ropes were tied together and hung in the closet,'' Lieutenant General Worapong Siewpreecha told reporters.

“Under these circumstances we cannot be sure that he committed suicide but he may have died from masturbation,” he said.
Many of us - usually males - joke about dying during sex, but I doubt that includes solo sex. Most people do not want to be found with their pants around their ankles, a box of tissues toppled over with Michelle Drake's platinum pubis flickering on the monitor. We don't want to be found in compromising or embarrassing positions, especially if it involves a shoelace around the scrotum.

Which is odd, because a dead person is one of the few people you can't embarrass. What does a corpse care what the living think? Even presuming there is an after life, there must be better things to do than read the gossip columns.

Masturbation does seem like an interesting way to die, though. Despite popular opinion, I think suicide is the best way to go. I understand life is precious and blah blah, but when you are ready to die, why not go out on your own terms? I don't want to be taken by surprise. I don't want to die in an accident or something like that. I also don't want to have a painful death, so if I have terminal cancer, I'd rather kill myself than let the cancer get to me first.

That's the catch, though, isn't it? Suicide can be painful. Dropping off a bridge, slitting your wrists, inhaling toxic vapors - these are painful ways to die. Again, what does it matter to a dead person, it's not like you have the memories of the pain, but I just like to avoid the process in general. Why spend the last minutes of life in agony?

If you're lucky, you can find some pills and hope washing it down with vodka will do the job, but if done improperly, you can end up mentally retarded, which is probably worse off than you were beforehand.

Maybe Carradine did it the right way after all. Suicide by auto-eroticism. If it is successful, you're out of your misery. If it isn't, at least you had a good orgasm out of it.

Sunday, June 7, 2009

Three great things about Russia

It is supposed to be a glamour product for the aspiring Russian female: The much acclaimed women’s vodka Damskaja is available in lime, vanilla and almond flavor. But Russian doctors are feeling the after affects already: they fear a new wave of alcoholism is sweeping across the female population.

Igor Wolodin does not think vodka is any more harmful than chocolate. He is proud of his new version of Russia’s national drink aimed at the female market. He promotes his women's vodka as the perfect drink to go with salads or to drink after a strenuous aerobics course. The vodka, Damskaja, is hailed as a glamour product for the female Russian socialite.

The Jewish Autonomous Oblast:
I'm sincerely glad to welcome you at the Official site of the Jewish Autonomous Region! I hope that the available source of information will be helpful for each Internet user. It will attract attention of curious and business men, develop relations, contacts and cooperation with all of civil institutions in our subject of the Federation, and strengthen interaction in various fields of everyday life.

I wish you success and mutual understanding!

Nikolay Mikhailovich Volkov, Governor of the Jewish Autonomous Region, Chairman of the JAR Government

The Red Army: