Friday, February 25, 2011

Touch not the penis, bobbitt glove

A man from Clydebank in Scotland was recently sentenced to 18 months probation. The incident stems from 2008, when the then 21 year old autistic man was playing football with a toddler. He was angry that his girlfriend did not give him a Valentine's day card, and when he went to kick the ball out of frustration he missed and caught the child in the groin.
When he noticed that the child's penis was red and swollen, McBride decided to snap a shop loyalty card and compress it around the injured area.

He then tried to saw at the youngster in a failed attempt to reduce the swelling.

The court heard that when the boy's mother arrived back the accused told her what had happened and she took her son to hospital.

The youngster was examined by doctors and a police child examiner and was found to have bruising, swelling and cuts to his genitals and thighs.

He was operated on and received 10 stitches to one wound and one to another but has since made a satisfactory recovery.
Obviously, we are all shocked by the behavior of the emotionally disturbed autistic man. I am curious what woman leaves her child to play with said man, however. Granted, he does seem resourceful in a pinch, although he may want to avoid medical school.

I'm most puzzled by how someone would notice swelling around the penis. Well, yes, people can see my penis swelling when I pitch a tent in my trousers, but toddlers wouldn't have that ability. Obviously, this guy took the kid's pants off to examine the injury. That may be the worst part of the story, even more than the stitches on his willy.

This is definitely the greatest story I've read this year, but it still falls short of the woman who had a pet chimpanzee that went berserk and ripped a neighbor's face off. The owner was distraught when police had to shoot the hominidae after his attempted homicide.
"I'm, like, hollow now," she told CBS. "He slept with me every night. He combed my hair. Everything in the house is for him."

Herold would frequently tell those who questioned her devotion to Travis that they simply did not understand.

"Until you've . . . eaten with a chimp and bathed with a chimp, you don't know a chimp," she said.
I suppose you don't really know anyone until you've groomed with them, but I'm not sure how many people I'm going to lure into my tub, let alone apes.

1 comment:

Gorilla Bananas said...

I remember reading about that chimp, he was obviously jealous and confused. The autistic guy behaved very responsibly. Anyone can misplace a kick, and he did his best to repair the damage.