Friday, February 4, 2011


As you may have heard, the Egyptian people have risen up against the Pharaoh and demanded, uh, something different than they already have. Americans are fed up with their government, too, but we don't riot. That takes a lot of work, and I break out into a sweat just walking to the bucket I keep my Ho-Hos in. Besides, it's hard to work up anger when I can browse the Internet on my cell phone. I recently obtained my first smart phone, and I learned two things. As cool as smart phones are, they are basically stupid wastes of time, money, and battery life. I may be a slow adapter to technology, but once I'm in, I'm balls-slapping-against-it in. As much fun as I am having with my Droid, however, it's silly. It's not essential to my life to have instant access to weather and Twitter updates. Do I need to play Scrabble on my phone? No. Do I? Of course, yes, God yes.

The other thing I discovered is that I will no longer judge poor people with nice phones. Yes, certainly poor people spend their money stupidly and without judiciousness, just like most people; the effects are just more noticeable when you have less disposable income, as more and more of us are experiencing. Nevertheless, having access to email and basic web functions is as close to a necessity as you can get after your basics of food, potable water, shelter, and toilet paper. Well, most people who barely earn enough to live can't afford a nice laptop, and for the price of regular internet access, you can pay to have a top notch phone with the same internet access. If people need phones more than computers, it makes sense to put the Internet on the phone. Plus, it's easier to have everyone notice your Beyonce ringtones over your Beyonce wallpaper.

Monday, January 31, 2011

The Oak Tree

Three people were discussing the aftermath of a winter storm. One person observed that the snow from the storm was so heavy, it broke the branches off of many trees. Another member of the group said that many years ago, she had a large, old oak tree behind her house. She would look at that oak tree all the time, during all of the seasons. She gazed at the dew kissed buds of the spring, the luscious leaves of the summer, the crisp colors of the autumn and the spidery architecture of the winter. She loved that oak tree.

One winter came and brought with it a terrible storm. The next day, she found the oak tree split down the middle, dead. She was sad.

The other two people did not say a word, for there was nothing left to say.