Sunday, December 4, 2011

What's going on in the world of America?

The people who run the United States are looking to do what's best for our children, so they suggest that we let kids work part time as janitors and meet their nutritional requirements by counting tomato paste as a vegetable.

Some of you may think that this is ridiculous. I say, sir, that you are ridiculous. Why do we cosset children? Because they are small? Spud Webb was small, and he won a slam dunk contest. Is it because they are inexperienced? Well, how do you learn if you don't dip your dick in a whore (I believe that is a common expression in Belfast). Is it because they are vulnerable? You can't toughen 'em up if you mollycoddle 'em.

If we're going to have children working and learning fractions, we can't have them wasting time trying to eat carrots and broccoli. Move the goalposts to make it easier. Hell, let's just say that if you're under 250 pounds, you're officially considered skinny. We already have vanity sizing, wherein clothing size is a lie, so why not just go whole hog? If you don't jiggle when you walk, you're un-American. Teach kids that in school, and maybe they'll get an education worth having.